So I had every intention of going out tonight, but since no one wants to I am forced to stay home. I have this friend who is a virgin. Didn't know they still exsisted. Seriously. So I have a feeling I am going to get drunk one night and give her some of my not so motherly words of wisdom. I am thinking it's going to look something like this:
1. Boys love teases. Strip teases. Blow him through his underware. Pretend like he's not going to get any.Start real slow then go fast than go slow again. Give small tiny kisses.
2.Put on a show. create anticipation. crawl to him. strip for him.
2. The sloppier the better when it comes to head. Drink some water beforehand actually drink a lot of water. Whatever you do make sure your mouth is nice and fluid.
3. It's not always perfect sex. roll with the punches. And never ever apologize or act embarassed. Sex will not ever be perfect and you need to be able to keep going. Guy get in a mode where they HAVE to have sex once they start going. What may seem like a super fuck up he probably won't even notice. unless theres blood streaming down your thighs.
4. Don't have sex on your period.
5. Know your limits when it comes to alcohol. Don't get so drunk where you can barely stand up if he wants to do it from behind. I am better if i am sober to tipsy. When I am drunk I am no where near as good. There have been times when I would have better sex if I would have been just a tad bit soberer. Don't ruin what could have been amazing sex because you are to drunk to give you a blow job.
6. Don't oversell yourself. There a line between dubbing yourself goddess of sex and being able to comfortably talk about sex with a guy. It's good to talk intimate before the physical stuff but don't make yourself out to be a porn star. Honesty about what your into and what you have done is good as long as you don't make yourself out to be queen of the bedroom. I strive to tell him enough of kinky escpades to get him interested to show confidence, but I am also quiet because it's ALWAYS the quiet ones who are the craziest. My quiet side is a part of me. Talk too much and it will look like you are overcompensating.
7. Use a condom. If you still are in the minor line at a club you have no business having a child. And theres a 93% chance the sex isn't as good when kids are in the picture.
8.Mix it up a little bit. Try music. Try handcuffs. Use bubble gum to blow him. Use ice. Do it blind folded. Mix up the locations. Try out on of these: in a car, football field, golf course, library, public bathroom, roof, pool, hot tub, park, bathroom floor, AGAINST A WALL, shower, kitchen floor, pool table, on a car, kitchen countertops, closet, balcony, beach, siblings/parents bed, taxi/subway, movie theatre, dressing room at mall, hotel room, trampoline, kitchen table, in an elevator. This list continues but that's a pretty solid start.
*use discretion public indecency is a crime.
9. Make sure you and he are both good kissers. Everyone forgets the importance of kissing in sex. sex is so much better when the kisses are good.
10. Go in there with confidence. If you tell yourself you are the hottest bitch there and think to yourself he's going to dream about this night when he is married I assure you will have at the very minimum good sex. Don't be ashamed of your body. Don't doubt your 'talents' the more confident you are the better sex you will have
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