Mondays are by definition terrible. But this one sucked. I left for school late. Only gave myself 20 mins to get there. Sped the entire way there and almost crashed like ten different times but thank god I didn't.
I found out even though I requested to quit my sorority over a week ago they are still fining me for the stuff I am not attending. I have already been fined over a hundred dollars and I am getting fined for all of this weeks events. They can continue to fine me because I am still considered a member and they will not sign the paperwork to end my membership. So it's a complete mess. I didn't fail my physics quiz which is good and I got out of physics lab early which is also very good. I got into Nursing school friday which is also good. I feel pretty numbed out from today. Not sad or upset, more just like mellowed out and I hate feeling like that. Like a sad watered down version of myself.
Well it's obvious now that I have crushed hard. And it's weird because I've truly never been the type of girl who day dreams about a guy or thinks about what her name would sound like with his. Probably the worst is sometimes I even look at the wedding section of pintrest. Falling is hard and not everyone we fall for materializes. I hate that I still day dream about going on a date with him. HATE IT. I wish I didn't have a crush on him. I guess I just need to meet someone new. I can't crush on him forever. I know this is really sad but I honestly have crushed on him harder than any guy on my entire life. I know this is just a one moment in time. One slice of my life pie but god I want to have his babies. I want him with his arm around me and Henry and Frances on the Christmas card. I want to move to Colorado with him and climb mountains with him for three years. It's so so dumb. I have officially become a sap. Valentine's brain has made me a cheese ball. We would have been great together but since we is never going to happen I should probably chase some other far fetched dream. But no other dream has quite the same allure as having someone to cuddle next to. If you fall asleep tonight in his tee shirt and lace boyshorts with his arm around you, you are one lucky bitch. And even if you have to wake up at seven tomorrow you need to wake up with a smile on your face and thank god that you could be so lucky.
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