Where it Began

I used to worry it would never happen again. 3 weeks later I have come to accept that it's not going too. I tell myself this "He doesn't want you. He's not going to change his mind. All you can do is accept it and move on." I even sometimes right on my hand aamo for accept and move on.  I am always real with myself. I know when a guy doesn't like me and when he does and I am brave and strong enough to accept when he doesn't. I am not like those girls who hold out hope for someone who is NEVER going to come around. I don't even talk to my friends about because I know they will be encouraging and try to make me feel better about it. But I don't want to give myself encouragement. I want to be real with myself.  If he wanted to get it in again he would have within the last three weeks. He hasn't. He doesn't want too.  And all I can do is accept that he doesn't want to and move on. 

He texted me around the time he got off work the first time we did it the day after the first time we did it. But never replied after that. Sometimes late at night I allow myself to wonder if he got that text. Why text me and then not reply after that? If he had the intention of hanging out again asked me three times in person and even texted me the day of why did he not respond? I guess I will never know why. The what if of him not getting that texts leads to hope and hope is not a place I like to linger. So it used to be the fear of it not happening again. Now I fear I'll forget.  I don't want to forget. I've been putting it off and putting it off. I've avoided writing it down facing that it will and reaching a point where it might not happen again. So here it goes, the story.. and down the rabbit hole I go.

I guess it all started when he came to work at the same restaurant I do. I'm not afraid to put I've put him the weeds a couple times. One morning, I think it was Wednesday we started talking about our goals. He came up to the host stand and we just started talking. I think I kept the conversation going mostly because in the back of mine I was thinking about Cam. It was funny to get to talk to someone who was so important to her. We bonded over our goals he wants to go to physical therapy school - I want to go to med school or nursing school. I guess you could say we are both driven. We want to have successful careers  and we want to make lots of money. I remember how easy it was to talk to him. After he left the host stand to check on a table I would find myself hoping he'd come back. I wanted to keep talking and here what he said. He was not only easy to talk to but I enjoyed the conversation. I wasn't even thinking about doing it or anything like that. I just wanted him to keep standing there and keep talking. It all began, at the host stand, like most things in my life have.  Unlike most guys, he had me when he started talking. And once we started talking it began to grow.