One of the best feelings at 11:11 is not having any thing to wish for. If you reach the point in your life be so thankful that you don't having anything to wish for. It's not going to be that way forever so enjoy the time you have where everything in your life is in place.
I'm not like most girls. When I like a guy or even if I am just attracted to a guy, I won't text him. I won't make any effort towards him. I probably won't even bring him up. I try to surpress everything I feel for him. I know that feelings get in the way especially at this time in my life. I don't like the way having feelings for someone makes me look -- weak. That's part of the reason why I try to deny my feelings but it's mostly that I don't like to lose the control. Everyone knows that the person who cares the least has control and I always want that to be me. So if I guy doesn't care about me I don't even remember his name.
But here's the thing. I want to spend more time with this guy. I want to be thrown on the leather couch again. I want to drink wine with him again. I want to see him make his "is this really happening face" again. I see us on our high school football field. I want to dance with him so badly. I want to go out and just chill. I want to hear his stories. I want him to flirt with me again. I want him to text me. And it kills, absolutely kills me, that I actually want to sleep with him again. I don't want him to be my boyfriend. I don't care if he has sex with other girls. I just want to sleep with him again and I want to hang out with him as friends. I hate that I feel this way. But I do. I probably won't feel this way forever and I'll find someone new, but for now I wonder what it would be to be with and hope I'll get to spend time with him. I don't need a boy. I have me and I'm awesome god daminit. I have the best friends I could ever ask for. I have a family of smart asses who I love every second I am with them. I don't need this boy. But late nights I can't deny what I desire. And it's him. I know he doesn't want me. I am a big girl and I can respect that. So I'll do it with my friend in the lifetime bathroom to make it better but I know I'm gonna wish it was him. I can't tell you how many times I've looked at my phone hoping he'd text me. When someone stops liking you there's nothing you can do to change it. All I can do if forget about the flirting, the kisses, and the good. I'm gonna block it out so I can stop wanting something I can't have. But even with all this determination I can't help wondering where are you right now and wishing I was with you.
xoxox
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